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Monthly Archives

December 2017

  • InBipolar II, Lifestyle, Uncategorized

    2018 New Year’s Resolutions

    I typically stay away from resolutions because I never ever keep them. Especially the hit the gym and eat right one lol.

    I do try to be a better version of myself each year. It’s important (I think) to work on the inner beauty of our yourself. Tackle the demons , work out the pain that’s holding you back and most importantly give back. Make the world a better place.

    1) Cut out Toxic people and negativity. This probably should be two resolutions but I feel they go hand and hand.

    Toxic people – this one is hard because toxic people are typically friends , family and sometimes even co workers. Some you can’t completely cut out of your life. For me, my personal stance is if I can’t cut them out of my life 100% then I won’t engage with them.

    Toxic people bring so much negativity in your life. These people are miserable as hell and as the old saying goes “misery loves company” holds true. They project their issues on you.

    These people are not friends, they are people with issues they haven’t worked out yet . In order to deflect the need to work on themselves they’ll tear you down but in a way that seems like they care.

    Toxic people will not be on my journey in 2018. They are too much of a heavy load to carry and I have enough on my own.

    2) Staying positive – this one is super hard for me. One of the things I admire about my husband (other than his good looks 😉) is how positive he is . He wakes up happy to be alive.

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    I am usually the only one that can push his buttons but even then he somehow is able to diffuse the situation and keep calm. Overall he is the happiest, most positive person I know. I constantly ask how he does it. He’s admitted it’s not easy and takes some work.

    So in 2018 I want to learn from him and keep positivity at the forefront of my life.

    What would the year bring if I kept out toxic people, negativity and replaced it with positive vibes.

    I’m excited to find out.

    What are your resolutions?

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  • InBipolar II, Lifestyle, Mental Health Awareness, Moods

    Imperfectly Perfect

    This is the season when usually I’m way deep down in the dark hole of depression. I’m typically battling my way to the light. This season I’ve found myself in unfamiliar territory for this time of the year , hypomania.

    Hypomania has benefited me in several ways but it also caused a lot of headaches.

    First the benefits. I have enjoyed the creative flow and the confidence hypomania has given me. Also enjoy the energy spike, it’s has been a pretty good change from the constant exhaustion. I’m hitting goals that I haven’t been able to get to all year. Overall I’ve felt pretty good and energetic.

    Now the downfalls: although I’m enjoying the energy spike the energy also turns into anxiety. I get so high I end up anxious and panicked. It’s a strange feeling. The creative flow is great but the excessive thoughts and flight of ideas literally make me dizzy and a little confused. My spouse feels sorry for me at times because he witnessed how all over the place I am. He’s been a great help by sitting with me and organizing my ideas.

    In this mood I had the idea of creating more mugs for my Etsy shop and thus the picture of the mug in this post. This is only one of many ideas the mood gave me and also the confidence to follow through. The cup can be found in my Etsy shop. Anyone who purchases a cup will help me send out care-packages to those struggling with mental illness.

    https://www.etsy.com/listing/565407678/imperfectly-perfect-cappuccino-mug-we

    I started a PSA campaign this week.

    My goal is to get out 100 cards this month. I have 2 weeks to complete this task, so far I’ve only given out 5 but in my defense I only had 5 with me. I need to get organized for sure.

    Next month my goal is to design a new one and get 1000 out there. (Pretty sure that’s hypomania talking but it’s good to have a goal )

    I know this PSA isn’t anything huge but I hope it spreads the word and maybe gives someone hope. I was almost discouraged to not do this but I pushed past the criticism and went with my heart.

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  • InBipolar II, Lifestyle, Mental Health Awareness, Moods

    The Sad Season

    Sometimes I’m sad for no reason. Bipolar is a sneaky little pest. I have rapid cycling Bipolar and for the most part I do ok. For whatever reason Fall and Winter are not my months. As we make our way from fall to winter I struggle more and more as each month pass.

    Sometimes I get to the point of sadness where I feel scared ,lost and lonely. I wished I didn’t have to hide or fight it. I don’t feel suicidal but i feel super sad and heart broken. It would be so much easier if I didn’t have to fake it.

    I find the hardest part of my illness is trying to portray to the world I’m ok. When in reality I’m not. I’d like to be able to be sad and just say no I’m not ok and yes I’ve been crying. Society says if we don’t put on a good face for the world outside we are not fighting and instead we are giving into our illness.

    Let’s say I have a cold. I’m not expected to hide my symptoms maybe keep them under control by taking cough medicine or something like that but I still look sick. That’s ok. Society says “oh you have a cold, get some rest take care of yourself. ”

    If I’m depressed I’m expected to still seem bubbly and put a smile on my face.

    I write this to say that it’s exhausting and I do the fake it till I make it because I don’t want others to feel uncomfortable around me. I will do myself a favor and take time off and stay in bed. Sometimes it’s less stressful to not face the world. I call it getting rest. Letting my mind and soul sleep off the icky stuff. If it were a cold and not depression I’d do the same thing.

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