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  • InBipolar II, Holistic healing, Lifestyle, Relationships

    Making Peace with the Universe

    A few weeks ago I started reading “You are a Badass How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life” by Jen Sincero.

    You are a Badass

     

    This is a book I’ve been trying to avoid at all cost. It’s everywhere and so many people I know have read and gushed about it. I despise self -help books it’s like they tell you things you already know. They bore me and for the most part I feel like I can help myself if I can just focus or if my bipolar isn’t acting up and causing trouble.

    So ever since the day my husband gave me to great advice of, stop searching. I’ve really have stopped searching. Instead I listen; I listen to the universe and allow the universe to guide me as well as my heart. While we were on our little weekend getaway I popped in a book store and the book was right on the shelf staring me in my face. I thought ok universe I’ll get the damn book. I did and started to read it right away then life happened. Kids, hectic work schedule, a little anxiety and bipolar thrown in, so I did the next best thing, I listened to the audio book. The book was great and was totally in line with how my life was going. I didn’t hate it like I thought I would. It was very helpful and now I listen to the audio book at least once a week to reaffirm what I’ve learned from the book. What I liked the most is her mention of the universe and how that really resonated with me.

    Since I’ve stopped searching I’ve been a bit more in harmony with the universe.  I find I do not have the cluttered up thoughts in my mind or as much anxiety. At times I  feel at peace and at ease, it’s a strange feeling especially for someone who was used to having chaos in her brain 24/7. I also started to meditate but I am failing miserably at this mainly because I am not making it a priority and only trying to fit in a few minutes here and there. I really want to do better with that, baby steps.

    Even though I am still for the universe to guide me, it is guiding me. I am not sitting around doing nada all day long. These days are more productive. Exciting things happening for me the first qtr of 2018, the main one being filing for nonprofit status, I’ve wanted to do this for years but was too scared to make the jump. With love and support I took the leap and I will find out if it’s approved in about 30 days or so. I’ve master the baby step technique this year and I am no longer beating myself up for not doing enough.

    This new way of living is new to me but it is also helpful for the bipolar that tries to disrupt my life at times. When I feel the rise of bipolar inside of me I quickly think of things I am grateful for. I try to refocus my thoughts to things that are good in my life. While my bipolar isn’t as bothersome as was in the past I still have it and still shows up. I have to remember that I do have an illness and it does flare up and sometimes my found way of living still won’t ward off the bipolar effect 100%. I am trying to be much better about self-care because the minute I let that slip everything else does.

    I will be back to update on the care-packages on how you can sponsor one for someone struggling with a mental illness or get one for yourself. This is a project very near and dear to my heart. I wish I could get out more but baby steps 🙂

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  • InBipolar II, Holistic healing, Lifestyle, Mental Health Awareness, Moods, Relationships, Therapy

    Stop Searching

    One day while I was going on and on about trying to find purpose and make things work and what should I do with my life, blah blah blah. Right in the middle of my existential woe is me crisis I received the most valuable and treasured advice from my spouse.

    He said simply “ stop searching”.

    He is wise and most times it takes me about 6 months to catch up to his wisdom. He is so gracious about it too. He’ll offer advice and almost immediately I’ll frown at it only to come back to him months later as if it was my own idea. Usually he’ll give me his smug smile, the smile that says I told you so without being a jerk about it.

    When he said stop searching , it was one of the few times I stopped in my tracks and said “You’re right !”

    Lately I have really tried to be still and listen to the universe. I let it guide me rather than me trying to control it. This year I have also made a conscious effort in going with my heart and my intuition.  You can’t go wrong with listening to your heart right? What could go wrong…. Except that you put yourself out there, allow yourself to be vulnerable and maybe possibly be laughed at. How bad can it be lol.

    I come up with lots of crazy ideas that are sometimes met with giggles or advice like “how about you do adult things first, work really hard at your job move up the ladder and when you retire you can do all these things” or my favorite one “take care of your kids, you’re a mom and moms can’t have dreams until AFTER the kids bleed you dry of all your energy and money”. I totally don’t listen to that type of talk and those people are no longer in my life. I am a big believer in going after your passions even while adulting and raising kids.

    I am allowing the Universe /God / and my heart to take the reins.  I welcome the sneers and the giggles because we have only ONE life and I am running with my passion. I was born to do things, to serve and to help others. That is who I am. I am no longer trying to go against that.

    This year I started my care package program and I am overwhelmed by the responses to it. I set some pretty big goals this year and one of them is to send out love light and hope to those suffering from mental illness. We must do better as a society to let people know they are not alone, that they matter and the world needs them. If we can just give people a little hope imagine how much better the world will be.

    I am still on my 2018 goals as well.

    No toxic people

    No negativity

    And only positive vibes.

    I hope that 2018 is treating you well and that you focus on the positive around you. If you ever feel in despair and alone ,please know that you are not. There are people on this earth that care and want you to know that you are loved. Be kind to yourself  , be gentle to yourself and most of all love yourself.

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  • InBipolar II, Lifestyle, Mental Health Awareness, Moods, Relationships, Therapy

    Hypersexuality

    The fall/winter season is brutal for me; it’s like clockwork ,the time changes and I go spiraling down into the dark rabbit hole of depression. I am diagnosed as rapid cycling so fortunately (sometimes unfortunately) for me I also experience manic moods in between the spirals. Both moods aren’t good to have but the manic mood can provide some relief to the darkness.

    Manic moods are often welcoming until they start to cause problems. I am grateful that I have made connections with people like myself, they have turned out to be my saving grace during the crazy times. The importance of having friends that have the same illness as you can be life saving. There are many times my bipolar friends have talked me off the ledge (figuratively of course)

    During manic moods often times hypersexuality will show up adding more chaos to the mix. (By the way Hypersexuality  in my opinion is not discuss enough.) It is real burden to carry and especially hard to work through if you have no one to talk to. The subject is even more taboo when it comes to woman, especially one in a committed relationship.

    If you are interested in understanding what Hypersexuality is here is a link to BPHope and articles in relation to Hypersexuality.

    https://www.bphope.com/symptoms/hypersexuality/

    It is uncomfortable to try to talk to someone who is “normal” and never experienced this symptom . To explain that you are struggling with (for a lack of better words) keeping it in your pants or in my case keeping your legs closed can get you some weird looks or worst loss of friendships. This is a symptom of mania and no one should  feel ashamed for feeling they way you do during this time. There should be a safe place where you can discuss this issue. Friends who are like me can relate and we talk through it. I can be held accountable by having them check on me until the mood passes and/or  I make an appointment with my non judgmental therapist. (There’s another story on that – because judgmental therapist are the worst)

    Having these types of talks with your companion can turn into nasty arguments that clearly aren’t good for a person going through hyper sexuality . I never bring this topic up in my current relationship because thankfully I have a great support group that understands. Hypersexuality doesn’t equal a terrible person it is symptom of a much bigger issue. I hope we can start to focus on this and how we can cope with this taboo symptom of mania.. It is one of the nuances of having Bipolar and I am glad hypersexuality does not show up often but when it does I at least have somewhat of a game plan.

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  • InBipolar II, Lifestyle, Moods, Relationships

    Ridding bad juju and wicked moods with Sage (gone wrong)

    Last Sunday we attempted to rid my bad energy (my bad mood) from our dwelling. Seems that when  I landed in Houston (from our vacation in San Francisco)  I picked up  a wicked mood. The whole week  I was in such a funk. So much so I called the therapist to set an appointment.

    Sunday had been the worst. I was all over the place. I felt like I was losing my mind.  My mind went something like this : I want attention , no I don’t want attention, I want to be left alone, no I want to hang out , no I want to sleep all day , no I want to color. Ah coloring yes that is it ! I’m doing that ! I colored and while coloring I realized I hated the color palette  and my pictute looked ugly.  (By the way this coloring book is awesome just not my coloring).

    You are here

    One of my lovely followers on my Facebook pagePepper Vintage suggested sage burning. I did a tiny bit of research on how sage burning /smudging could rid the bad energy as well as depression and lots of other benefits.  I have to mention that tiny research was Pinterest memes like this one.


    After mentioning to my husband about sage smudging he was on it. Next thing I knew we were at Wholefoods purchasing white sage.  Novice sage smudgers and the aftermath pictured below.   We didn’t have a proper bowl or feather. We settled on my favorite fiestaware bowl.

    Our first attempt ended up with all of us smelling like a questionable herb and a smokey apartment. If I read the instructions the first thing mentioned was …. open a window. Note to self for next time. OPEN WINDOW.

    I knew it wasn’t going  well when I walked into the restroom and witnessed the guy performing the sage smudging  fake smoking the sage. Pretty sure this is not how to chase the bad juju away.

    Something must have worked, I think it was the smoke inhalation. My mood has greatly improved and I am somewhat back to normal again. My family can tolerate me and I don’t feel like I am going off the rails anymore. Thank you smoldering sage and my fiestware bowl for helping me get back on track.

    Sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures and so you will try just about anything. I am determine to have another sage burning ceremony in my place. Placing an order on Amazon this week so I can spare my fiestaware bowl.  There is a beautiful iridescent  shell bowl with my name on it. I will update you all as we become experts on this. Also I need a chant or a haiku to chase off the bad energy.

    Oh and if anyone has any suggestions or tips for ridding bad energy and depression please feel free to offer some tips. I can’t pay you money but I can send lots and lots of good vibes to the universe on your behalf.

    *Mental health mention. Since I am not on medication and decided not to hope on my cocktail I am looking at some holistic an alternative approaches* This is one of them, once I figure out how it works. 

     

     

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