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  • InBipolar II

    Who is Pepper Vintage Part I- The Part where “Vintage” made sense

    Who the heck is Pepper Vintage , where did she come from and Why Pepper Vintage?

    I get asked this question quite a bit I never really answer it because it’s such a long story and involves my life falling apart. So if your ready for story of a woman losing herself, hitting complete rock bottom , eventually dusting herself off and finding herself then keep reading. If not the short version is this. Pepper is me , she was created to represent me and my journey with bipolar but before that she was going to be a vintage store (see pictures way below)

    Ok long story and kudos for you sticking around to read this.

    Below is the doodle of Pepper and the first concept.  Inspiration came from Madonna’s children book The English Roses.

    https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/302234.The_English_Roses

    Below are the early versions of Pepper Vintage circa 2009.

    I always loved and enjoyed working in retail. What I loved most about retail was helping women find the perfect outfit. It wasn’t just clothes or shopping it was about helping women feel their best not matter what their age or shape.

    In 2009 I wanted to start a vintage online shop. I had purchased a few dresses to get me started. Unfortunately I don’t have a picture of the dressed that inspired the logo. The most important thing that I can tell you was that IT HAD POCKETS, and it was adorable, oh and also it was from Montgomery Wards.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Montgomery_Ward

    Below is a collage of dresses I collected and then sold.

    At the time I was suffering from depression. I had a pretty good melt down a few years before this and I my life was barely holding on for dear life.  This dream meant the world to me and it gave me something to focus on  other than my life falling apart and my inner demons. So I am a bit ADD so hang on because I am going to switch to my life crumbling to Pepper Vintage quite a bit.

    2009 I gave birth to my 5th child and I was a wreck of a mess. If you know anything about my story I gave up my 5th kid for adoption. (another blog for another time)

    I was  sadness, despair and a little self destruction all wrapped in one.

    To relieve some of that sadness we adopted a little black dog who we named ……. you guessed it, Pepper. She was a sweet rescue from the SPCA, she was part of a horrible puppy mill that was shut down and on the news. This sweet girl was over bred and was severely neglected. I knew she was in bad shape but I wanted to give her a home and show her a better life. Sadly a few days later she became very ill, and was diagnosed with distemper. She was laid to rest, we had her for only a week but I loved her so much. Losing Pepper crushed my soul. I can’t tell you how much I needed that dog, I needed to love and nurture after giving up a baby for adoption.

    (Pepper and AJ)

    After that devastating loss I still held on the idea of my Vintage Dress shop but it never went anywhere just remained a dream. Life started crumble around me pretty quickly. The depression was getting worse and so was my drinking (by the way I was misdiagnosed, I really had Bipolar ) Having Bipolar and being treated with antidepressants was the beginning of the end of life as I knew it.

    The End of Part I …..

    Part II is when I destroy my life. Yep there is more but I thought I would give everyone who stuck around to read this a break.

    Part II will be ready in probably a week but most likely two weeks because I am always behind on everything I do.

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  • InBipolar II, Lifestyle, Moods, Relationships

    Ridding bad juju and wicked moods with Sage (gone wrong)

    Last Sunday we attempted to rid my bad energy (my bad mood) from our dwelling. Seems that when  I landed in Houston (from our vacation in San Francisco)  I picked up  a wicked mood. The whole week  I was in such a funk. So much so I called the therapist to set an appointment.

    Sunday had been the worst. I was all over the place. I felt like I was losing my mind.  My mind went something like this : I want attention , no I don’t want attention, I want to be left alone, no I want to hang out , no I want to sleep all day , no I want to color. Ah coloring yes that is it ! I’m doing that ! I colored and while coloring I realized I hated the color palette  and my pictute looked ugly.  (By the way this coloring book is awesome just not my coloring).

    You are here

    One of my lovely followers on my Facebook pagePepper Vintage suggested sage burning. I did a tiny bit of research on how sage burning /smudging could rid the bad energy as well as depression and lots of other benefits.  I have to mention that tiny research was Pinterest memes like this one.


    After mentioning to my husband about sage smudging he was on it. Next thing I knew we were at Wholefoods purchasing white sage.  Novice sage smudgers and the aftermath pictured below.   We didn’t have a proper bowl or feather. We settled on my favorite fiestaware bowl.

    Our first attempt ended up with all of us smelling like a questionable herb and a smokey apartment. If I read the instructions the first thing mentioned was …. open a window. Note to self for next time. OPEN WINDOW.

    I knew it wasn’t going  well when I walked into the restroom and witnessed the guy performing the sage smudging  fake smoking the sage. Pretty sure this is not how to chase the bad juju away.

    Something must have worked, I think it was the smoke inhalation. My mood has greatly improved and I am somewhat back to normal again. My family can tolerate me and I don’t feel like I am going off the rails anymore. Thank you smoldering sage and my fiestware bowl for helping me get back on track.

    Sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures and so you will try just about anything. I am determine to have another sage burning ceremony in my place. Placing an order on Amazon this week so I can spare my fiestaware bowl.  There is a beautiful iridescent  shell bowl with my name on it. I will update you all as we become experts on this. Also I need a chant or a haiku to chase off the bad energy.

    Oh and if anyone has any suggestions or tips for ridding bad energy and depression please feel free to offer some tips. I can’t pay you money but I can send lots and lots of good vibes to the universe on your behalf.

    *Mental health mention. Since I am not on medication and decided not to hope on my cocktail I am looking at some holistic an alternative approaches* This is one of them, once I figure out how it works. 

     

     

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